7 reasons Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie divorced

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are separating following two years of marriage, and the all around educated tattle scholars of the world have uncovered profound into finding what, precisely, is going on.

Here are 7 explanations behind the split, gathered from the web, which is totally dependable.

1. ANGELINA HIRED A PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR WHO DISCOVERED THAT BRAD WAS HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH MARION COTILLARD

Page Six has it on great power that the separation comes as an aftereffect of Jolie’s employing of a private examiner which revealed an issue with Pitt and his Allied co-star, Cotillard. Is Pitt simply being connected to Cotillard on the grounds that she’s a beautiful lady who happens to show up in a film with him? How could you pose that question. This is reporting.

2. BRAD AND ANGELINA HAD PARENTING DIFFERENCES

TMZ, in its breaking of the separation, exposed the Cotillard gossipy tidbits and said that the separation is a consequence of Brad and Angelina having diverse child rearing styles. This appears to be verging on convincing, which is the reason I pick not to trust it.

3. BRAD MENTIONED GWYNETH PALTROW’S NAME IN HIS SLEEP

This story was exposed by the obstinate investigatory writers at Morning News USA and The National Enquirer, who reported that Angelina was exceptionally disturbed on the grounds that Brad clearly said Gwyneth Paltrow’s name in his rest one night, which obviously prompted the disintegration of their marriage. Appears rock strong.

4. BRAD WENT TO CROATIA WITH HIS FRIENDS

This one comes to us from In Touch Weekly, who said that the “final irritation that will be tolerated” for the couple came when Pitt declined to spend the most recent couple of weeks of summer with his family and rather went to Croatia for some brother time with his brothers. I’ve never been to Croatia. I hear it’s beautiful.

5. BRAD SMOKED AND DRANK TOO MUCH AND HAD AN ANGER PROBLEM

This likewise originates from TMZ, who suggested this was the reason for the purported child rearing issues above.

6. ANGELINA JOLIE IS AN ALIEN REPTOID

That is to say, the essayist presents a convincing defense here.

7. BRAD AND JEN RECONNECTED

The Old Faithful of Brad Pitt newspaper stories. You can set your watch to them. I anticipate perusing these stories into my maturity.

So anyway, there you have it. Through basic deduction, we can conclude that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie divorced because a drunk, high, angry, Croatia-bro-downing Pitt was having affairs with Marion Cotillard, Jennifer Aniston, and Gwyneth Paltrow, perhaps at the same time, all of which was happening in front of his children. And also Angelina Jolie is an alien reptoid.

I’m surprised this breakup didn’t happen sooner.

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